So I belong to a book club. Don’t judge. I initially had to be talked into it by one of my girlfriends; not because I didn’t like to read but because I didn’t think that I would enjoy “assigned” reading or sitting around a circular table heavily debating books that I didn’t choose to read in the first place. It sounded too much like school. It sounded BORING.
Well, as it turns out, “book club” was actually code for “girl’s night out.” Sure, we read the books. We discuss them and its fun. Then we cut loose and polish off as much wine as we can in a four hour time frame before retiring back to responsibility outside of the book club bubble.
Well, I blew my cover on Friday. I came home from book club with a brand spanking new tattoo. My one. My only. Permanent tattoo.
I’ve been toying with the idea of getting one for at least five years. I always knew that I would get a smiley face if I ever decided to do it. It’s been my signature symbol since high school. They make me happy. I’ve always managed to find an excuse not to get one. I’m too broke. I’ll wait til my birthday. I’m pregnant. I want to wait until after I’ve had kids. I’ve gained too much weight. I’m too old for that. It’s kind of gangsta. Blah blah blah. Well, four glasses of wine, a little peer pressure and another girl agreeing to get one with me and all those old excuses went straight out the window and off our book club went to the parlor.
For twenty minutes I sat with my butt crack exposed to five of my closest friends and my ass bent over in front of my new BFF, The Tattoo Man. I was sober enough to be concerned that I might have a butt pimple and that I did, indeed, have candy canes on my panties. I also feared that I might blow a gaseous hot fart right into his nostril as he was trying to ink in the smile and I would end up with the worlds most jacked up smiley face permanently etched into my skin. I warned him that I had eaten a casserole dish of bean dip an hour before I got there. He said he liked bean dip. Alrighty then.
He said that the color could fade in the sun. I laughed.” Dude, I’ve birthed two kids and have the stretch marks to prove it. This part of my back hasn’t seen the sun since Spring Break ‘98. This smiley face is for me and hubby only. Well and maybe my five good friends here and you, Mr. Tattoo Artist, of course and all your artist friends over there behind the counter. Gawd, didn’t that piercing hurt like a mother fucker? That skull on your neck kind of freaks me out. Oh, and maybe my gyno and his army of nurses. OMG, its SOOOOOO cute! Now I will ALWAYS have a smile on, no matter what! Brilliant isn’t it?” (Hiccup)
“Whatever floats your boat lady. That’ll be $50.”
The next day when I anxiously told my husband that I did something well, sort of crazy at book club his first guess was that we smoked pot, and then that we took his Jeep off-roading. I don’t know why, but that made me laugh. He wasn’t surprised when I told him that I got the tattoo. Although, he did do the “I knew it! I kneeeeeew it! You guys don’t even READ the books do you? That’s such bullshit. Book club my ass!” rant shortly after.
I was loving my new body art until I told fun neighbor what I had done and he said…. “A smiley face. That sounds cute and so you. Is it yellow and black? Oh! Oh! is it like the Wal-Mart roll-back smiley face?”
Fucking book club.
XOXO
Roxy 
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 9:29 am
You mean you forgot to consider that you’re now a walking, talking Wal-Mart ad now? Yikes!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 9:33 am
roxy, you are a braver woman than i.
it just is not my style.
to quote another housewife…”you wouldn’t put a bumper sticker on a bently”
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 9:46 am
I’ve always thought about getting one, but I just can’t figure out what I want on my body forever…..You’ve inspired me a little now, though.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 9:54 am
Ha, yes Elaine! Pretty much. Good thing its a roll “back” and not a roll “wrist” smiley face.
The way I figured it, I have scars, moles and stretch marks I never asked for. Regardless of stupid walmart advertising, I do still love me a happy smiley face!
That’s a great quote Miss Snodgrass. I know its not for everybody and I know that there are people that cringe at the thought of them.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:15 am
Elanah, you should join our book club
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:18 am
Cute. Now we need to see pictures!
I have one on the top of my foot, a butterfly sitting atop a slice of red velvet cake w/chocolate frosting. And as soon as I pop this kid out & feel like going out, hubby and I are planning to have each other’s name tattooed on our wedding ring fingers in honor of our 15 yr anniversary, which is tomorrow. And since this is my last child (as long as she’s still a she when they pull her out next week), once I get my body into some shape other than round, I’ve got a cool design in my head that will incorporate my kids names (or initials) into it. But that one has to wait.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:20 am
Oh… yeah… you read that right. Next week. 7 days and a wake up. Next Tuesday, August 3rd! C-section scheduled for 7freakin’:30 in the morning.
I think I’m ready! 
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:23 am
While in the Navy I took other sailors to get tattoos, but never considered it for myself – I always figured that tattoos are decoration and just as dressing up the pig doesn’t make it anything more than a dressed up pig, decorating this body is wasted effort.
That said, I will admit to a fascination with skin art on females.
The only reason my bride doesn’t have one is the night the biker chicks in her gang went to get theirs, she was the one who baby sat.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:31 am
I like that idea Holly, I may just have to see if my bride will go for that. But what do you do if your spouse’s name is too long?
Reminds me of the old joke.
This guy went into the hospital for surgery and had to be shaved from nipples to knees. While shaving him the nurse noticed that he had a tattoo on his dick that said “Shorty.” Well she just had to tell all of the other nurses and all of them had to come in and have a peek. The poor guy couldn’t figure out why all of the nurses had to come in and examine him, but who knows what goes on in hospitals anyway?
So, surgery over, he asks the pretty nurse that shaved him for a date after he recovers, and she reluctantly agrees. after all, “Shorty” and all that, but she kind of feels sorry for the guy.
She comes in to work the morning after her big date with “Shorty” staggering and bow legged and all the nurses gather wround to find out what happened.
So she tells them “You know that tattoo?”
And they all say yes.
And she says “Well it actually says:”
“Shorty’s Bar and Grill – Los Angeles California”
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:37 am
Yay Holly!!!! I have been wondering about you and that baby! You will have to give us an update on baby girl and you, of course, soon as you feel up to it. Congrats on 15 years too.
Jim, you don’t give yourself nearly enough credit. You are a handsome fella! And your wife is a biker chick? That is awesome. I owned a 250 for about 2 months when I first got married. After The Husband tried to teach me how to drive it at Park and Preston I decided that I was a better off as a passenger.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:48 am
Book Club…I should have known that was code for girl’s night. Damn. This is really funny though Roxy!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:56 am
Thank you Trixie!
Yes, it was GREAT code for the first three years!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 11:56 am
I HAVE to see this tattoo. The though of the Wal-Mart logo on your ass just has me rolling on the floor.
Whoo-Hooo Holly! I know you are probably beyond ready to get that baby out.
I wouldn’t say that I regret my tattoo but I won’t miss it when it gets cut off with all my other stretched skin during my future tummy tuck. I actually forgot I had one cause I can’t see it anymore due to my big belly.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 12:06 pm
Thank you Roxy, even old farts need love. Yeah, after she broke up with me in 1965, she started doing the biker thing and has ridden a hard tail to Laconia, described as a very long orgasmic experience which left her too sore to screw when they got there.. She also learned that it is a good idea to pee downhill.
Twila, I have a friend who tracked the beggining of her pregnancy by how much of her tattoos she could see. The one low on the belly was gone by the fourth month, but when she couldn’t see the one on her foot she knew it was almost time to deliver.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 12:30 pm
Snoddy, the only bumper sticker I can imagine on a Bentley would be “My other car is a Bugatti Veyron”, in platinum with gold letters, of course. LOL
Roxy, now that you have spilled the secret on Book Clubs, I think I’ll find one to join. And I think your husband should get one of those Pinocchio tattoos to go with your Smiley face.
All of you Tattooed Babes, I am a wee bit jealous. Wish I had the balls to get one, but I just hate pain. Show us photos!
Holly, love me some scheduled C-sections. Can’t wait to hear about the new baby girl next week!
Jim, thanks for starting my day off with a chuckle.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 12:39 pm
I must confess Cupcakes, the tattoo hurt less than the dumb cartilage piercing I got at the top of my ear back in high school. I didn’t think it was that bad.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 1:02 pm
Twila, I swear we could be related. I agree that the cartlidge piercing hurt worse, or at least the recovery was worse. I couldn’t sleep on my left side for almost a year after getting that thing.
I’d have to ask the girl who’s hands I was sqeezing to death how my pain was.
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 1:16 pm
Send me a time and place, Roxy. I’m in!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 2:33 pm
Roxy, you have a responsibility to your readership… you need to post a picture.. plllllluuuuuuuuuzeeeeee!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 5:06 pm
The “roll back pricing” tattoo will just remind your husband to ask you to “ROLL on your BACK” to be “serviced.”
And if he’s doing you doggie style – let’s hope he doesn’t get the giggles.
Holly – Congrats on Anniversary #15! That’s quite an achievement in this day and age. Tell us all what your secrets are to a long and successful marriage….
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 5:55 pm
Queenie, I was thinking something along the same lines. Maybe she need to add something like “Roll this back you big stud.”
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:21 pm
How about “Insert Quarter”?
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:32 pm
“Roll on your back to be serviced”, I like that, Queenie.
Captain, I’m betting that Roxy is so skilled, that if you inserted a quarter in her “treasure box”, she could shoot that thing out so far that it would hit the bedroom wall!
Monday, 26. July 2010 at 10:50 pm
yeah, Roxy! I have a tatt on my arse too…not a smiley face for smiley, though.
A book club, huh?
Yes, Cupcakes-how’d the interview go?
Tuesday, 27. July 2010 at 3:18 am
Smiley, she thought her interview went well. They said she would hear from them within a week. I have no idea if that is “code” for something, or the truth. As her mom, all I can do is cross my fingers and pray. At least she now has an interview under her belt. The first one is the scariest.
Thanks everyone, for your prayers and good wishes!
Tuesday, 27. July 2010 at 9:55 pm
My sister, in one of her first interviews, did the interview, and then on the way out, went back in and demanded the job. They gave it to her.. so followup…
Tuesday, 27. July 2010 at 9:56 pm
Cupcakes, Roxy was only about to pop it out about 6 inches into the air when we tried it.. I mean.. oh nevermind.. *zipping lips*
Wednesday, 28. July 2010 at 8:30 am
Man, I leave you kids alone for a few hours and you have me shooting spare change out of my twat. LMAO
You guys think much sexier than I do. I was thinking Roll Back and go to sleep.
Yes, follow up, follow up!! Fingers are crossed for her.
Wednesday, 28. July 2010 at 1:39 pm
teehee… I just LOVE everyone on this site! Y’all make me laugh
. Jim, if the name were too long, you could go for a nickname or initials. My real name is actually 8 letters long & two words, so I’m hoping they can fit it on hubby’s skinny finger! 
Lucky for me, his name is only 3 letters! 
And yes… I am pretty much ready to have this baby girl!! Her room is ready, we have everything we need as far as equipment, clothes, diapers, etc. It’s just a matter of being mentally ready. Cupcakes, I LOVE the scheduled c-section. Knowing exactly when she’ll arrive makes preparation & planning really easy. We’ve got plans in place to have our 2 boys taken care, the house is ready. It’s just nice knowing exactly what to expect (provided God doesn’t intercede). 
Wednesday, 28. July 2010 at 1:42 pm
OH and Jim, I wish I could take credit for the idea to tattoo our names on our fingers, but I can’t. I got a familly magazine a few weeks ago & one of the articles was on a christian musician & his wife and I noticed in the photos that they don’t wear wedding rings. In the article they talked about having the tattoos done instead right after the wedding. It was their way of declaring to the world that they are together forever and it was a more permanent reminder than a ring that could be removed. Since hubby & I just celebrated 15 yrs, I thought it was a great gift to each other. Luckily, he agreed. Otherwise, I would have drugged him & had my name tattooed to his dick! LOL J/K… sorta.