I like to stay at home on New Year’s Eve. I find this night, above most other nights, to be “amateur night.” That is, those people who rarely drink decide to get wasted by 9:30 and then ruin everyone else’s night. These are the people who attract the bouncers and cops, therefore putting the rest of us at risk. And dont get me started on all the drunks on the road. So I’m staying at home. I’ll go out and get drunk when the amateurs are at home, thank you very much.
I have plans to hit the grocery store for mountains of junk food and beer, then come home and make some of the best nachos this side of the Mississippi (No idea what that means, but I like to say it). In the meantime, I’m making my list of New Year’s Resolutions. They will last about a week. Some of them won’t last through tomorrow. But hell, at least I’m trying.
1. Be sweeter to the husband. If, however, he forgets to make “be less annoying” one of his resolutions, thereby irritating the piss out of me and making my resolution impossible, I will at least give more blow jobs to make up for asshole attitude that is, technically, his fault in the first place.
2. Work “taint” into regular, every day conversation. Not necessarily in a naughty way. Example: I feel that the new Illinois Senator has the TAINT of negativity because he was appointed by the governor. See? Sounds smart, but I get to say taint. Save this type of comment for appropriate situations: Damn, can y’all excuse me for a second? My taint itches.”
3. Have more sex. With or without husband. (Note to self: Must stock up on AA batteries before tomorrow!)
4. Drink less, but more often. No more binge drinking. Not as much binge drinking. Binge drink only twice a month.
5. Eat less sugar. Drink it instead.
6. Be the hottest, happiest Housewife this side of the Mississippi. (?)
Cheers and Happy 2009!
Holly
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 11:41 am
Those are great, Holly!
Cheers!
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 11:47 am
I love it!! I’m going to use the word shank a lot more this year. Especially when disciplining my kids in public.
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 12:08 pm
Your resolutions cracked me up, Holly. They are so very you!
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 12:11 pm
My wife typed up a resolutions list…I’m going to secretly cut and paste yours to hers and see if she notices. Maybe not #2 though…*shudders*
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 12:16 pm
I like your list of resolutions, Holly. I’ll ditto all except #2. : ) Happy and Healthy New Year to everyone!
– What do you put on those awesome nachos, anyway?
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 1:07 pm
She uses the Bob Armstrong Nacho Method. It’s very “ancient chinese secret”.
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 2:56 pm
holly there “taint” no reason you can’t keep those resolutions…
as usual i am waiting for lent for my resolutions perhaps i will apply #2 then
happiest of new year to you all …. it just has to be better than the last one!!
Wednesday, 31. December 2008 at 5:39 pm
HA! Been super psychotically busy and I haven’t jumped in for quite some time. Therefore, my first resolution is to become a WAY better slacker at work. Uh oh. By disclosing a work history it becomes apparent that I am not a housewife. Yet I have to do all that good and all that shitty housewife stuff, so can I still play?
I’m going to copy the crossword puzzle and work the hell out of it while pretending to be gainfully occupied. I won’t let my slacker ways taint my ability to earn money though… that would be worse than soggy nachos!
Note to my dear Abbs, whose shitty husband left her for her best friend: I hope the Elf on a Shelf fell into his throat and choked him just this side of dead. Happy Frickin’ New Year sister….
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 2:12 am
Very good advice.
Me and My Fair Lady are avoiding the sloppies, too, watching Entourage marathon on HBO right now, dipping fig newton bars into glasses of champagne. A dry sweet bubbly does the trick. Dip the bar in for about three to five seconds, shake off excess, eat, your mouth will love you. Later, we plan on having some fun with melted Hershey bars and marshmallows. If you’re going to have sticky sheets …
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 2:43 am
Really now. . . more blow jobs and taint that a good idea!
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 9:51 am
glad I saw the story on DMN. I want to bang all of you.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 9:54 am
Just read about you guys this am. Gee I thought all collin county women were married virgins. Glad to read differently. Also , love to see you upset the so perfect, especially that councilwoman who said she would not even read the site,yea right. Keep up the fun. I am a single working woman and will check in occasionally. Oh, by the way, your criminal courts are barbaric as hell!!!!!! closed minded, and I am certain descendants of HITLER.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 11:20 am
Happy New Year, wives. We stayed home, too. We just don’t feel like putting our lives in the hands of drunks.
And folks — please know there are plenty of wives in Collin County that don’t weigh 100 pounds, get plastic surgery on a regular basis, or live in 5000+ sq ft homes. It’s just that we’re stuck with Willow Bend near us.
I meet lots of nice folks. In fact, many say that they thought there would be no down to Earth people here and are pleasantly surprised to find them.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 11:20 am
I’m in Collin County…and I blog.
Love your New Year’s resolutions, but I think you need to add more cowbell to the list. Everything needs more cowbell.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 12:44 pm
Its 12:44 and my Resolutions are still being followed. Going to friends house for the Nebraska game – he promises buffalo wings…crap..I am already salivating and knowing that my Cornhuskers will probably give me an ‘emotional’ reason to eat….well you know the rest.
I am not even going to hope for a bj from my wife. I irritated her too much by teaching her how to drive – she is from Philippines yet is all North Dallas stylin.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 1:10 pm
You know Deed, sometimes we actually LIKE to give bj’s. Just wiggle it in her face and see what happens.
Thursday, 1. January 2009 at 6:58 pm
WOW..Rocket Sience!!! Really? OK
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 11:44 am
Ladies,
One simple question, how can I get a BJ from my wife? She gave me BJ’s during the engagement year, but after marriage 0 and I do mean 0 in 20 years, 0 means all the way if you know what I mean. She refuses, says she doesn’t like the taste.
No matter what I try it’s always NO.
I have been married almost 20 years, I have never cheated on my wife, looked at other women like any other man, but never so much as flirted.
Disappointed and Frustrated
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 1:08 pm
Do you munch her out? Does she like it?
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 2:46 pm
Lulu,
Yes i do go down on her and she requests it as well, yes she likes it very much.
Doesn’t seem fair to me, but I love tasting her and pleasing her. Her pleasure is important to me.
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 3:01 pm
See, that right there, that last statement, would be enough for me to drop to my knees and suck it long and hard.
But your wife seems to have some mental blockage when it comes to bj’s. There are 2 things you can do:
1. Sit her down and explain how much it would mean to you if she would just try it every now and then. Be careful with your tone and words when you do this.
2. Withhold all oral until she starts returning the favor.
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 3:13 pm
I have sat her down several times, many many times, maybe my tone is wrong I will try talking with her again.
I will try to withhold my oral as well, however this will be more difficult than one might expect. I learned along time ago that pleasing her was the most important part of our sex life, and her oral pleasure is a major part of our sex life.
Thank you Lulu
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 3:34 pm
Yeah, but this is sounding like a one sided sex life, and that’s not cool or fair.
Even the taker has to give a little.
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 3:35 pm
Dr. Lulu at your service. All it will cost you is a pair of hot heels.
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 5:17 pm
Thank you very much Lulu, however, I am sure that you have no need of hot heels, a pair of heels need you to be hot..
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 5:52 pm
That’s really no problem, because HOT comes natural to me.
I like you Benny. I hope the misses gives you a thousand bj’s.
Friday, 2. January 2009 at 6:09 pm
I will let you know if we can overcome this issue, it was nice to have you to talk to.
It may take some time (I have tried for 20yrs), if only the street can be changed to a two way street.
A thousand bj’s? i would be happy with 1 for now.
You have been very kind.
I like you to Lulu… may the sun find you in the morning!
Saturday, 3. January 2009 at 10:20 am
I’m one of those who hate giving BJs and have done it very few times in my many years of happy marriage. It’s a weird psych thing … the feeling of being submissive and just plain feeling like it’s wrong.
Yes, hubby is like Benny. Loves pleasing me. His heart breaks because I haven’t been able to experience big O in over 10 years (we’ve tried all the usual plus more).
We’re just busy and sex is the last thing on my mind. I do love my husband and that’s why I forced myself to do the BJ thing a couple of times or else I’d never do it.
Saturday, 3. January 2009 at 10:41 am
But when you give a bj it’s not about you. You have to put your day and feelings and, well….you away.
Giving your man a bj is about pleasing him. Period.
Saturday, 3. January 2009 at 10:32 pm
Marie,
I of course have no idea what you and your husband have tried in the last ten years; however having no orgasm on your part is very curable. My sweetheart has always had difficulty having a “traditional intercourse” orgasm. No we have never had to buy a single battery and she has an orgasm virtually every time we have sex, pretty close to 100%. I am not trying to brag, that’s just the way it’s been.
The key for us is rather simple, my complete concentration orally on her exterior sweet spot in a slow deliberate focused fashion in combination with internal attention with my right index finger on her g-spot. Most of the time she is gone into paradise and over the top with this approach. Sometimes she will finish the exterior sweet spot off herself while I remain focused internally with my index finger. After that she is ready for me and we continue with the pleasure we have both been enjoying.
The key to the approach above is for the hubby to read the bodily signatures your emit, if what he is doing is working, he just needs keep doing it with patience and focus on you. Then it’s Bingo!
A female orgasm is the most pleasurable sexual experience I can have, pleasing her is just fantastic. She never complains..
I hope this helps.
Lulu, I hope it was ok to share this and not out of line.
Benny
Sunday, 4. January 2009 at 10:06 pm
I am thrilled to have found this website. The DMN did me a favor by writing about your site on the front page
Tuesday, 6. January 2009 at 8:35 am
Benny, thank you. We have tried all that as it used to work. I think something just stopped working as I even tried on my own for our sakes. It was all good until I turned 30.
Lulu, oh you’re right. But it still doesn’t help with the awful gut feelings and how it feels wrong. No, I am not a repressed Catholic girl who went to an all-girls’ school.
Tuesday, 6. January 2009 at 10:34 am
So take those “wrong” feelings and turn them around to “dirty” feelings. The fact that you are doing something naughty and dirty can be quite a turn on.
Tuesday, 6. January 2009 at 7:59 pm
While I appreciate all of your insights into the suburbia of Collin County, I do think you have left out a huge prospective from the viewpoint of being in your 40’s (late), divorced with children living in Collin County. There are alot of things that could be shared and blogged about from this insight. I could spin your heads on living this life from a divorced prospective. Let me tell you, it is not easy in the weathly count that we live in. Competition for romance against 50% of the women divorced in this area is a jungle. I would be happy to join you ladies in offering my insight from this side. You must know that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. I think that is a large percentage of women in this area. Let me know your thoughts and if you would consider adding another to your blog site.