While we are all watching waiting for Lulu cooter news, we have failed to come up with something to Swoon or Snark.
Since we failed to get our shit together in a timely fashion, our dear readers, feel free to Swoon or Snark us in our comments section.
Ciao!/Sabrina
I know I’ve said it before, but politics give me tired head. I’m not talking about John McCain and Obama , I’m talking about something even more cut-throat and divisive. I’m talking about the politics of play dates.
Last year the mom of a little boy in The Boy Child’s class emailed to see if I wanted to get the boys together for a play date. Why not? Socialization is a good thing , especially for little boys, right? So I asked The Boy Child if he’d want to have this little boy over to play, and much to my surprise (The Boy Child is much more easy-going than The Girl Child), his answer was an emphatic NO! Of course I asked why and he said potential play date boy was mean and had punched another kid in the class. Yikes.
Of course I didn’t want my son playing with this monster, but what was I going to tell the monster’s mother? “We’d love to play with your little precious, but evidently he has a problem with pummeling kids on the playground.” Not quite. Ever the confrontation-phobe, I made something up and we were done with it — not so much.
About a month later she emailed again, this time asking if I’d pick up her little monster from school and watch him until his dad could pick him up around 6 or 7. What?!?! I don’t even want to watch my own kids after school.
Again, I made up some excuse , probably a lame one because I’m a really bad liar. Evidently that was the straw that broke the bully’s back because she sent another email wanting to know what it was that her little angel did that made our Boy Child not want to play with him. I hate this. Not wanting to get into her bad parenting skills, I made up another lame excuse. So what is the right way to handle this? Should I have told her that her son is a little shit? Help me out here people.
So I see her again after school on Monday , it’s a new school year, so I thought I’d try to at least be civil , since we’d be seeing each other everyday as we’re waiting for the final school bell to ring. She had gotten a haircut (not a very good one, by the way), so I thought I’d extend an olive branch by telling her the haircut looked nice. I did, and you know what? That bitch totally ignored me. At least I don’t have to worry about her asking me to watch her little brat after school anymore.
For most all stay at home moms the first day of school is their true New Year. I have friends that have resolved to take those Scuba lessons they never got around to last year. Others make monumental fitness goals. While most of us make numerous lunches out with girlfriend plans with no children! Lordy be , no children!
OH! The places we’ll go! OH! The things we’ll get done! OH! Bullshit.
No matter the infinite time we believe we’ll have once our children go back to school, we rarely complete our New Year’s Resolutions. Why? Because we really don’t have all the time in the world. We get our hair done, maybe a little more timely. Lunches with girlfriends? Heh. Yeah right. It’s more like a speed dating round. Time flies until all moms look at their watches and, holy shit! we should’ve been at the school for carpool, oh, 5 minutes ago. We’ll spend a little too much time on the internet (hey! Thanks for stopping by!) and maybe we’ll get caught up in some afternoon TV show. And like most resolutions this will go on for about a week.
So, in all, we stay at home moms are nothing more than petty thieves , stealing time.
I have personally bought a book and my plan is to get through it this year. It’s a nonfiction little book. Yep, that’s me, low goals!
Cheers to a good, successful school year to all!
Ciao!/Sabrina
Ah, the first day of school. Cool, crisp fall air. Walking to school in your new windbreaker. Shuffling your new “school shoes” through the changing leaves that have fallen to the ground. A spring in your step as you imagine all of the wonderful possiblities to come, carrying your backpack full of brand new sharpened pencils and Trapper Keeper.
Wake up, idiots. This is the first day of school in Collin County. We’re talking a frenzied wave of Lexus SUVs zooming through the parking lots on the hottest fucking day of the year, barely coming to a stop to let their darlings out of the car. They’ve gotta get to work, people. Somebody’s got to pay for the Country Club Membership and Mom’s monthly Botox/Microderm/Eyelash Extension appointments. Moms are in a tiff because their teacher doesn’t seem to be concerned enough that Little Preston should be allowed to get a drink and use the bathroom whenever he needs to because he has a small bladder and he gets dehydrated easily. And why can’t he carry cough drops in his pocket and get one whenever his throat feels a tickle? Also, Little Preston does better if you speak kindly to him and aren’t too terribly strict with him. He’ll just shut down and then he won’t like school anymore. Shit. My kid is sitting next to Little Preston. Please don’t let them become friends and we’ll have to arrange playdates and Preston will only be able to have snacks that don’t contain Red Dye 40 and I’ll forget and give him Scooby Doo fruit snacks and he’ll bounce off the walls and his mom will start a petition to get me out of the PTA. (Solution: Don’t join PTA.)
Nevermind the previous week spent searching for a two-pocket folder WITH BRADS. Screw Target AND Wal Mart for pretending they are so helpful by having the school supply list in the front of the store…as if they have that shit in the back. Oh, there are tons of folders. Just not with brads. And the list says WITH BRADS. Thank goodness The Husband had an out of town trip. He stopped at every Wal Mart, grocery store and convenience store on the way there until he finally found the folders WITH BRADS in four different colors. Damn. I remember going to school with a Big Chief Tablet and a pencil. They were just glad we showed up.
But, alas, I must be honest. All of my negativity and sarcasm is to hide the fact that I’m scared shitless. Not scared that she won’t love school. Scared that she’s growing up too fast. Scared that once she starts school, this is it. The end of her babyhood as we know it. Can’t I just keep her here one more year? Or maybe I could homeschool? Ha. There aren’t enough Collin Countinis in existence to make homeschooling bearable. There are, however, just enough to get me through this first week of school without a nervous breakdown.
Happy First Day!
Holly
What is there to say about the website http://g0ldi.com/forum/index.php? Well the first thing I can say is that it sucks. What was supposed to be the “fun-say-what-you-will” website barely gets 10 replies or new topics started daily. And when we got banned it turned into a complete yawnfest. You can’t even type mutha fucker? How fun is that? We can type it here all night and all day. Watch:
Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker Mutha fucker
Columbiano is a dirty whore , well, that’ll get my attention! But then the post is just about how she’s trying to drive her post count up. She’s not fucking anyone for money? I feel ripped off for clicking on it.
http://g0ldi.com/forum/index.php is nothing more than a tiny megaphone in the .com corner shouting, “Like me! Please post here and like me!” Kind of like the Mayor in Horton Hears A Who. They’re just a bunch of goldi who’s. Except they’re the Frisco Online Who’s NOT.
After I’m through being awakened by Kitty’s purring in my ear Sabrina has to give this site 0 out of 5 Countini’s. And fuck y’all for being pretentious and misleading about your site.
All I have to say is fuck g0ldi.com! They claim that they are not FOL, that the users are free to argue and chat and have a grand ol’ time. But call one admin a douche and looky looky, I’m banned. In my opinion, FOL is FAR superior to G0ldi because they have a set of rules that they stick to, they have actual traffic daily, and their admins don’t get butt hurt and inappropriately use their power.
On a side note, G0ldi.com is NOT Mindless Banter. You can start a thread saying that the sky is blue only for those fuckers with their big words to argue that it is indeed indigo. I don’t give a shit that you are a mister smarty pants. Just entertain me. Tell me I’m hot and you want me to sit on your face.
But really, there is no entertainment at http://g0ldi.com/forum/index.php. It’s just a big snoozefest!!
With much love from the depths of my heart, Lulu gives AssHats.com 0 out of 5 Countini’s.
Being the confrontation-phobe that I am, I was content to watch the http://g0ldi.com/forum/index.php drama unfold from the cyber sidelines. It’s absolutely insane that someone (or an entire group of someones) can be banned from a website for stating their opinions and stirring the pot. Can’t stand the heat, g0ldi? Get out of the .com kitchen. I must say I was very impressed with the way my housewife sisters stood up for themselves and kicked some ass in the process though. FYI — don’t mess with these ladies. To echo what The Yankee said when I told him about g0ldi; it’s a good thing they’re on the internet, otherwise they’d be out somewhere burning books.
Disappointed Sabrina let the cat out of the bag about my ear fetish, I stand with my sisters and Kitty gives www.g0ldi.com 0 out 5 Collin Countinis.
Ah, g0ldi. So much potential, but with assholes like Mister Vader and El Burro Loco running things, it’s really pretty lame. I got a couple of nice emails from other members, including Goldi herself, welcoming me to the board, even when I disagreed with EBL. I liked it immediately because it was a place where you could be more open than on FOL. It seemed like it could be fun. Here’s the problem. Goldi isn’t the only admin and when I stood up for my girl, Sabrina, EBL gathered the Nerd Herd and they came down on us with a vengeance. They changed our words, banned us from posting and eventually, banned some of us from logging on. It was censorship at it’s finest, all because we didn’t kiss EBL’s hairy ass. Strange, but true.
I find it odd that a group of adults are so paranoid about being liked that they would actually ban those who confront and/or disagree witht those in charge. I am aware that this is a privately owned forum and they can do what they want, but what’s the fun in banning people for their opinions? I think they should declare themselves a dictatorship so that everyone knows what they are getting into when they respond to a topic. If you want to disagree with someone, make sure it’s NOT an administrator. They can’t take it.
In order for g0ldi.com to be as cool as it could be, they need to overthrow the Nerd Herd and get some boys with balls in charge….or just let women run it.
For the record, I’ve visited as a guest a couple of times recently and I have to say; since the Housewives were banned, it is BO-RING!!! (Although if you like discussing how hot your shower water is on a Monday morning then, by all means, login and enjoy!)
Holly gives the lame pussies at g0ldi.com a dismal 0 out of 5 Collin Countinis.
For the last couple of weeks, we’ve spent our evenings watching events on television that, at any other time of the year, we’d probably never watch.
Here are some of my Olympic observations: I hate the French (okay, that one’s not really limited to the Olympics, but if you trash talk about our swimmers, you get catapulted to the top of the list), Michael Phelps is a cutie pie, I’d love to be able to eat 12,000 calories a day like he does, there definitely seems to be a bias towards the Chinese gymnasts as far as scoring goes, jumping on the trampoline should not qualify as an Olympic sport, I wonder if all the male synchronized divers are gay, Bob Costas gets on my nerves, women’s beach volleyball players from Belgium don’t need to wear teeny tiny bikinis to play the game, I wonder how long the WOGA furor will last this time around, I have no desire whatsoever to ever go to China, more American gold medal winners need to sing the National Anthem as our flag is being raised to the rafters, the balance beam is an absolutely insane event, I love the pride in our country that my children are showing, there aren’t too many things funnier than seeing a seven year old try to do the butterfly stroke without any training or instruction, NBC has way too many commercial breaks, the commercial with the old lady beating up the guy with her purse was funny the first fifty times , it’s not funny anymore, if my child was competing I would be a nervous wreck, I wonder why runners who are running on an indoor track need to wear sunglasses, and finally, the Olympics have been entertaining, but I’m glad they only happen once every four years.
Go USA!
Tax Free Weekend is one of the biggest marketing scams I’ve ever seen. Ok, maybe New Coke was the biggest one, but TFW is up there. Seriously, what is the big deal? Why in the world are there cars lined up for miles at the mall, just waiting to get in so they can save a whole $8 for every $100 they spend? You’d have to spend at least $1000 to even make it worth your while and if you have $1000 to drop on school clothes, I doubt that you are THAT concerned with saving 8%. And if you are that concerned with saving 8%, you don’t have $1000 to spend on school clothes.
I can understand all the hoopla if you could buy, say, appliances or flooring. Something big, where the tax adds an extra $150 or something. But if all you are buying are jeans and backpacks, I say save yourself all the trouble of fighting the crowds. Just stay home and wait for Labor Day Sales.
Why do I care if people want to stand in line for 2 hours to save $6.50 on a pair of jeans? What difference does it make to me that the traffic is clogged and people are running around like idiots all day? BECAUSE MAYBE MY FAMILY AND I WANT TO GO OUT TO LUNCH ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND ALL THE DUMBASSES WHO THINK THEY ARE GETTING A GOOD DEAL ARE IN OUR WAY. Let’s just stop the madness. Don’t believe the hype. Don’t drink the Kool Aid. Just say No.
Happy Monday,
Holly
So a woman dies, and at her funeral one of her two daughters meets the man of her dreams. He’s perfect in every way , attentive, compassionate, handsome , but she’s so distracted by everything else that’s going on that she forgets to get his phone number or email address. Two weeks later, she murders her sister. Why?
A guy The Yankee works with found this little conundrum on the internet. Why do you think she did it? Think about it. My first guess was that she found out the sister hooked up with the man of her dreams from the funeral , nope, that’s not the answer. What’s your second guess? I thought, maybe she found out her sister murdered their mother , nope that’s not it either. The Yankee said he had guessed those exact same things.
The answer? She murdered her sister so she could see the man again.
Evidently, this is a little test given to people that police , or doctors , think are psychopaths. If the person gets the answer right, the authorities know they have trouble on their hands and probably have to start gathering evidence. I don’t know if it’s an actual test used in interrogations, but it makes you think about people and what is going on inside their heads.
How about you , did you get it right?
Why the hell does the school supply list always include shit you can’t find? Has anyone ever in the history of ever found 12×18 assorted construction paper?
And why does Target carry the folders and the spiral notebooks that are not on the list? You have to weed through a million folders to find the kind with brads and pockets. Oh, yes, they have hundreds of thousands of folders that are plastic, that have Hannah Montana on them, but you just try and easily find the wide ruled spiral notebooks and not bang your buggy against someone elses.
And where are the Kleenex? Put them with the school supplies people! It would even be nice if, and I know I’m asking a lot here, but you could put the supplies in order as they are on the list! *take a deep breath* I know, it’s a lot. Merchandise people! Merchandise!
My children don’t need black pens , they need black ballpoint ERASABLE pens! Stop fucking with my time, Target!
Or even better, some manufacturer of pens make a pack of red, black, and blue pens, with assorted highlighters! One stop shop.
Or, no, let’s just keep it going like this. Why change and ruin the expectations of parents everywhere.
Ciao!/Sabrina
Here’s my list – the list I couldn’t post because I was in JOKELAHOMA (that’s for you, Lulu). For the record, I had no idea how much hatred my fellow Housewives had for my home state.
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